Time spent holding their hand. Holding their hand slowing time.
Time spent looking into their eyes. Looking into their eyes to gain time.
Time well spent. Time slowed down.
Freezing that brief, beautiful second of time. That second of time froze in time.
Time you know in your heart, you made someone feel special. Time made special in their heart.
Time spent listening to them talk. Talking about it is time to make time to listen.
Time sitting them on your lap. Time halted to sit.
Making time to stop time to really see them.
Dropping your hands to your side,stopping time to make time.
Stealing time to stop time. Stopping time to steal time.
So very tired and should be sleeping! It’s Tuesday and the rest of the week is going to get terribly busy, but all I could think as my head started to hit the pillow was “Don’t lay down yet. Get up and post a blog. Any blog. A blog about whatever.” So what came to mind is how ideas pop in without warning. Silly,sad,happy,boring ideas. They form as I brush my teeth, look out the back door, lay wide awake at night, listening to (honestly, I should say watching) someone talk, trying to concentrate on the television, driving the mini-van, putting on lipstick, shuffling through empty index cards, looking at (and don’t laugh!) dirt, sitting at the bank, and on and on. I crack myself up because of the crazy thoughts that become a funny little joke just for me to enjoy. I go to bed reasonably early each night, wake up very early for coffee, and then proceed to get very busy. But lately I have felt so determined to take time just to sit and write and think. Now that I am way tired, I am wondering if this is a post about nothing or really about everything. Somehow all my dreams, plans for writing a book, and all my silly to boring ideas are mine and mine only. They are my responsibility to blog about. This is my goal for this year, even when I really should be sleeping. Good night,sleep tight :)
i am tired i will get up i will move around i will keep going.
i am weepy i am sad i will stand up i will keep going.
i am not as smart i will keep trying to learn i will keep going.
i am going to be more creative it does not turn out the way i envision i will keep going.
i am not always nice i will keep going.
i am not as patient as some i will keep going.
i am not always brave i will keep going.
i am motivated by others i will keep going.
i am encouraged daily by you i will keep going.
i am blessed with your love i will keep going………..
The limbs, the branches, the old and the new.
The trunk the body, the base the knees.
The roots our strength.
Searching through our soil we find our secrets,deep.
Each leaf a soul, each vein a life.
The sap our tears, the rustle our laughter loud, the groans our growth, the whispered wind hiding our fears.
Swaying gently to weather our own storms.
Reaching to the sun to develop our dreams.
Under the stars to fold together as one each night.
You, me, all of us, our family tree.
Ms. Martha was a vocal, blunt, interesting woman, who decided she did like me. She wore huge, thick rimmed, red glasses and she still had to have the television and anything in print almost pressed up to her nose. She bragged that she read everything she got close to since she was a young girl and I absolutely believe her. Two things I think of now that she is no longer here on earth is that she loved to learn and that she said when she absolutely could not see and when we had the time, I would read to her. Our first book would be one on facts. Of what? I can not remember. To be honest, I was really not excited to read that one to her. I have always known that if I have to read out loud to someone, it would most definitely be a difficult read. Of course she no longer drove. I did catch myself watching for her to weave by me one day because her keys and her car were still at the condo with her. So each week, she insisted her daughter pick her up and take her to Winn-Dixie. They had to stay at least three hours. Why? So she could read the labels on every can and box she possibly could. I always hoped to spot her there and spy on her. I could picture her absorbing every single word like a little old sponge. She never shared this information with me. I was always a little afraid she would and then I just knew she would quiz me. Every time I went to her home, she was making something awesome to eat. Everything was already cut up and in a pot by the time I arrived. So I do not know if she put her face to the cutting board or just felt along for everything. Doesn’t matter. It smelled and tasted better than I could ever describe. She promised me her secret family cookbook when she died. By the way, I was told very strongly to never say she passed, but to say boldly, out loud, she died. She was very serious, so was I, when I said, I completely understood. Orange frizzy hair,the very thick glasses that made her eyes huge like an owl, hunched over slightly,with really red lipstick all over her front teeth and not quite on the lips anymore telling me each and every time that I must take the kids to the restaurant with the big huge pink pig outside of it. I never did and I never got the cookbook. Her daughter took that out before anything else left that home. Doesn’t matter. I have no clue how to make any of her tasty recipes except squash casserole. But it just does not matter. That’s not what all of this remembering is all about.
There once was a little girl who dug in the dirt,who dug up worms,who walked in the long spiked grass. Who wandered around the beautiful flowers,who looked deep into their being. She observed the bee’s, the wasps,the ants and the ladybugs. She caught fireflies and ran through the dark nights with them stuck to her arms. She ran barefoot over rocks and busted hot tar bubbles with her toes. Who jumped in the pile of leaves and smelled in their earthy fragrance. Who climbed the trees,proud of the scratches on her knees and arms. She swung until she reached the highest height, then jumped with all her might,to fly free through the air. Handstands! Cartwheels! She rode her bike till the pedals went faster than her feet,then coasted,then faster,faster,fastest, until she slowed again. She looked up at the moon,the stars,the sun. She listened to the wind,the thunder,the rain. Who watched the lightening chase through the clouds in the sky. She caught snowflakes with her tongue.Who made snow angels and a snowman. Who heard the crunch under her boots,felt the cold on her fingers and nose. Who came in each time to see you unable to ever walk or run or play. So she whispered in your ear of all the fun she wished you could have had that day. She breathed in the fragrance of your hair. Who held your hands and looked into your eyes. She whispered her love to you. There is now a grown woman looking up into the heavens,smiling. Who see’s you climbing,walking,running. She knows you are jumping,flying,smiling. She still whispers in your ear the most important words she ever said. I love you.
i am smiling so much after an amazing trip my husband and i took to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary! many exclamation marks times forever! a big WOW! and many huge smiles :) :) :) :) :) :) we made love we held hands we kissed we walked and talked and laughed and smiled and looked into each other’s eyes so many times (times a billion)!!! we were totally alone in a sea of people at Walt Disney World in Orlando,Florida during the busiest time of the year, NEW YEAR”S!!! we wore Happy Anniversary buttons,given to us when we checked in to our campsite #2041 and we wore them proudly. it was a blessing to hold onto each other at Magic Kingdom and hear people yell at us-Happy Anniversary to which we said back,Happy New Year! we were so blessed in so many ways,just like we have been blessed in so many ways in our marriage together.we say all the time that we can not believe the different levels of love we are reaching together.we just can’t.we are so close and so happy that people actually ask us if we are newlyweds which is truly wonderful to tell them how long we have been together.we are back from our trip and will post more, along with pictures.our hearts are crying out for each other this morning as we are separated by work,but just like every day of the work week,we text,email,and call and say a ton of i love u’s and how we can not wait for tonight when we are back in each other’s arms.i can not be sorry for this post that is dripping with all our love……..