First day out dream building! We are searching for OUR land. Land here in Tennessee where our children raise our grandchildren. A farm house we update and preserve, land we learn how to raise animals on, and a huge garden we plant. Encouraging our parents and children to live on our land. Where we laugh, growing older together, traveling, blogging, loving our blessed life!
What is this feeling? This feeling that something is there to be found. Discovered in pictures.
A packet of people that I do not even know. I do not want to look at them again. Their unfamiliar eyes looking back at me, drive me crazy.
I try to sleep, but they are waking me up in my dreams to talk to me. They have kept a secret for generations.
I tell them I am so busy during the day, but sometime soon, I will work through this mystery. So when the house is quiet, I stare into the dark and put dates and names together all wrong. They unravel and sleep takes over.
Days,sometimes months go by,and then I welcome them back. They walk single file into my night and talk all at once.
I know the answers are in their looks and in the names they give to me. I am mad at them for keeping the truth from those before me.
If I could just figure out the clues they are giving me. They are disappointed that I can not put the truth together.
I walk the graves. I beg for a hand to reach through the ground and grab me and pull me down. For a bony hand to hold my face and breathe the answers into my soul.
Sometimes, more than not, people I really love come to me or call me with their problems and dreams and nightmares.
Sometimes, I get angry with those who hurt them, and yell and spout off what I would do if I were them, or what I will do to them for making this special person in my life hurt or cry.
Sometimes, I dismiss it quickly and tell them to not think of it again. To go on with their life as if it did not happen. To laugh and be happy, but inside I take on their sorrow and pain. I hurt.
Sometimes, I hear their dreams and nightmares and think they will really come true.
Sometimes, and this is more often than not also, I am not very approachable and I do not handle the situation right. I think what help am I really? I can not say the right words like other people can. I can not express my genuine concern and fears the way others do.
Sometimes, I feel like I have failed them.
Sometimes, I know I am exactly where I need to be, trying to be all that I can.
Plan a-X that out! What plan are we on? No worries, I say. Just get in the shower, pray,pray some more,rinse off,and when you get out, you are allowed to name your future what ever plan you want! The concerns I had 6 months, 3 months, heck, last week, are over and done. Our plans that we discuss and run over back and forth, side to side, do not have to turn out just how we printed them out on the calendar. The traveling will happen eventually, the move we did over the weekend was not to warmer weather. But the dreams we have and the new life changing habits need to start. They need to start regardless of where we are in our minds, hearts, and what home or city we live in. If I end up on Plan x, y, or z in a few months, I just will have to say “Hello, Plan a. Nice to see you again.”
My last post was about Dreams. My dreams. The same dream. Time after T I M E. So now I wonder if because I wrote about my wandering nights, the dream changed? What does this mean? I am at Walmart looking through jeans trying so hard to find my size. Then Gary walks up and starts having me try on very expensive jackets. Jackets that are not colors we like, or the style we would pick out. Then this very elderly man is beside me, handing jackets to me that are too large. Then I am at a creepy mall. But in my dream, I am actually happy because I am on the 2nd floor. Which in my dream, I realize I came up the escalator. I was comforted to still have steps in my night travels.
Still at the mall, Gary says he wants to go on this walking trail that is there. All inside. It has footprints that you follow all along the way. He goes first, and I have to wait my turn. But, I am not wearing any shoes. I have come to the mall in just my socks. (I do have clothes on) HA! Thank goodness. The lady says I may borrow old shoes that have been left and are now in lost and found. Ewwww. But I look through the box, none are my size. I squeeze into a size 5, I’m a 6 1/2. (I don’t dream about numbers or sizes) Then the lady says I have to tell the managers I will offer up a special prayer for them for letting me borrow the shoes. So, I walk over, and the man says, “Don’t worry about it, just buy us new toupee’s”. To which I said, “Alright, I will”. Which sent them into huge fits of laughter.
Then I realize I have to go to the bathroom and I am so lucky that the next place over is a restaurant. I hail down the frightened looking waitress and she says I will find the restroom to the left, but beware! The manager will attack you. He will chase you down if he catches you and realizes you did not pay for food. So I race around the corner and hear him right behind me. I quickly crawl under a table and spot the restroom about 7 feet away. I make a run for it, but stop when I realize the mall is dark and has closed.
I tell my husband, Gary, that I had the same dream AGAIN. He just smiles, but this morning I actually had him laughing. So he has now decided we will read our books and fall asleep to music.
Great. I now remember I used to fall asleep to music as a child and I dreamt of animals chasing and eating me.
They rarely let me rest. Dreams run me, or rather walk me everywhere, all night. Dreams make me wonder, they bring out the very curious creature in me. What is wonderful, is that I seem to remember them each morning. Most people claim to never dream or can not give detail on their evening jaunts in dreamland.
I have done a bit of research on the computer and have also looked in my dream book my mom gave me. Climbing up and down stairs, all different kinds, seem to keep me quite busy. I walk on basement stairs, stairs in homes to reach the next level, all wooden, never carpeted. Outside, I am on cement stairs that are out in the middle of nowhere,freestanding. Most are not very high, but some are 300 feet up in the sky. When I am that high up, I am overlooking neighborhoods, and on my way down.
Neighborhoods are almost a big part of my dreams, but not as often as stairs. I am walking up and down hilly streets. Sometimes, I wander into one of my actual old homes that I lived in at one time in my life.
My biggest dream really adds the stairs,neighborhoods,old homes, a search for a person, and throw in a 100 foot,round as a semi,snake. This one shakes me up the most and most times I wake up crying. I am searching for someone around corners,up stairs,and get a glimpse of them out the window or as I step outside, standing at the top of a staircase. It is usually always raining when I am in the house, running around. Once outside, I can never find this person, and just resume walking,stairs,and more homes and neighborhoods. The enormous snake is hiding in a huge mess of bushes, trees, and vines and to the right side of the street. Sometimes the snake is off a dirt path that leads in to the woods where I absolutely have to go through to finish my search and wanderings.
Always curious to know if anyone out there dreams like me!
Sometimes is seems that life gets so hectic that time just passes so quickly. In fact, with all the new technology available, much of our precious spare time is now filled before we know it. This makes it so important, now as much as ever, to set goals and keep moving forward.
Keeping your eyes on the prize…
Starting out on a journey with no clear understanding of where we want to end up is certain to be full of surprises, both good and bad. Life has enough of those, whether you plan or not. Taking the time to look ahead, both short term and long term is critical to helping not only see the direction you want to travel, but in getting you there.
It is easy to forget…
Ever notice that our days are filled with ideas and thoughts that are so quickly forgotten. Writing down daily thoughts and tasks helps to keep us straight. So it works with writing down goals, and keeping them in plain site. Tape them on your mirror, put them on your tablet or smart phone. The key to remembering is seeing them often enough to keep moving in the right direction.
You are the one you need to make happy…
While it is great to encourage others on their way to achieving goals, never lose sight of what is important to you and those you love. Your goals may be somehat silly to others, or like mine just downright crazy. The fact is you need to make yourself happy. Be honest with yourself on your dreams and where you want to go. Be true to yourself. Oh yeah, and keep moving forward – Walt Disney.